I recently had a few conversations with folks who felt something needed to change, but they weren’t sure what it would look like. The change was mostly about pivoting their businesses or rightsizing their homes or lives.
As I listened to them, I kept hearing: something new or different needs to happen, but I am going to keep doing things the way I have always done. For the new to emerge, we need to consider a different approach.
When we want to make a change, we usually assume doing something new or different will support our endeavor. So we ask people for feedback, read books or take classes related to the “new direction” we want to take.
These efforts can be helpful or confusing, depending on whether we are clear about our why. Our motivation matters more than the activities. Knowing what drives us makes a big difference on the benefits we can reap from our effort.
To avoid running on a hamster wheel, it is important to ask: why do I want to change? Do not take the first why as the answer. Ask yourself the why behind your why a few times will reveal your deeper motivation.
Contributing to others, being healthy and happy are wonderful whys. To uncover your passion, go deeper. Why does it matter to you? What meaning do you make about you if you are able or unable to achieve your goal?
If we do not have a strong why, limitation of time or money can easily become the barrier. Or the change will not last because we can’t access the fire from our passion. The fire that we don’t channel properly leads to dis-ease.
If the motivation for change is oriented around problems, we will make choices from a contracted state. This restricts our access to resources that unleash our ingenuity, compromising our abilities to make instrumental changes.
In my former career, I managed a variety of projects. While most managers focused on problems, I set my sight on possibilities. In our debates, my boss would often conclude that he was being realistic and I was an optimist.
Although my boss did not agree with my possibility thinking, he created a unique position for me to lead projects so that the organization can move in a new direction. The visionary, not the problem solver, in me was in charge.
Moving through changes can stir up a lot of doubts and anxieties in us. We struggle with letting go of the old because we don’t know what we are moving toward. To mask the discomfort, we find ways to distract ourselves.
Letting go is like the fall season, and embarking on something new is like spring. Between fall and spring, there is winter – the incubation period.
In this period, we are in between jobs, projects, relationships, and so on. It feels like we are waiting for something to happen, but we don’t know what that is exactly.
It can feel very uncomfortable to sit with the unknown and the empty feeling. If we learn to be compassionate with where we are, it will open the gateway for new ideas and energy so that we can move into spring gracefully.
Many of us move from fall to spring too quickly. We bypass winter by jumping into prospects or projects we later regret, or we get into rebound relationships. This lack of discernment perpetuates old patterns, further draining our energy.
In a fast-changing world, many of us are being nudged to explore what’s next for us. Being in the incubation period is crucial for us to discover what is uniquely ours. Insights and ideas will also rise within us at the opportune time.
Here are a few practices for incubation: observe the thoughts, feelings and sensations like a compassionate friend; be in nature without the phone or distractions; sit in silence and breath slowly. Even 5 minutes a day is great.
I said earlier that a different approach is needed for the new to emerge. Setting SMART goals, something valued in my former career, is less relevant to me now. Setting aside my agenda and follow the energy is a higher priority.
The visionary from my former career helps me see the beauty and brilliance of my clients even when they are struggling. In holding their greatness, I support them to be enriched by the highs and lows in life.
When we can honor and appreciate where we have been, it is easier to let go of the old. Regrets, guilt and shame can lock us in a season of life for a long time. Being caught in the downward spiral, we struggle to move forward.
As we approach the last quarter of the year, it is important to get closure on any unfinished business so that we can benefit from the energy of the new year. How will you use this time to embrace the known and unknown ahead?
If you feel stuck in letting go or creating something new that enriches your life, contact me for a 1/2-hour free consultation and see how I can support you.
With Love,
I help clients regain vitality,
transcend limitations, and
own their divine presence.